trustjesussite

This site is about the helpless, hopeless,soul's seeking to finally know what Love truly is, and no matter what it looks, feels, or sounds like, that there's one that loves you with a Love like no other! And HIS NAME is JESUS!

Runaway Child (2)

 

Early in the the next morning as I awakened on the stairwell by the roof, it took me a minute to collect myself. Then, it ALL came flooding back to my mind, and my body which hurt from the beating my Mom gave me the night before, my eyes filled with tears! And I grew angrier and angrier with each year drop that fell from my eyes! Why? Why GOD? If YOU’RE SO Good, why did you put me with A Mother, brother, and Sister who hated me!! Who mocked me and, laughed at me every chance they got an they had plenty! My Mom always had ammunition at the ready for me! Why? What did I ever do to deserve this? I wasn’t a bad child! No more than any other child I thought! But for me, I got nothing but, you look just like Your dam father! You stand just like Your father! Get out of My sight before I kill you! All the horrible stuff My Mother said to me and about my father who I never met, never knew, except by other family members who knew my father in Georgia! I began to hate the man that my Mother hated me for! And then I’d cry even harder because he wasn’t there to save me from my Mother! Oh, but that’s Right, he never wanted me either!! Why? Why GOD was I not wanted? Not loved, not necessary! Not nurtured, loved and appreciated! Oh, My mother would brag about how well I did in school. What good grades I had! How I only made A’s B’s, C’s And E’s for excellent! But when there was no one around for her to shine for me, I was stupid, dumb, and just plain ordinary NOTHING special!

I cried myself back to sleep up in that corner by the roof! When I awakened again, I was hungry! That’s what woke me up! I smelled good cooking! French fries and hot dogs ummmm! Boy was I hungry! There was a little restaurant called Fingerbowls downstairs from the building where I slept! It sat Katy Cornered of the apartment building I stood up and stretched tried to smooth my pants and shirt down so it didn’t look as if I slept in them! Ran my fingers through my TWA aka Teeny Weenie Agro and started making my way downstairs. I had no idea how I was going to get some of that delicious food from the restaurant, but even if I had to beg I was going to get me an Italian Hotdog! And maybe even a soda! I went out the front door of he building and looked around to see if there was anyone I knew, or who my brother or sister knew especially my brother who was a freshman in high school and a member the track team. So he knew a lot of people. The High School was right up the hill from where I was at. So, I had to keep my wits about me! As I walked up the three steps into Finger Bowls I heard a couple of older guys talking to the,owner who was preparing their food. When I walked in they all turned and said hey pretty lady. I almost turned around to see who they were talking to, but I realized it was me!

Anywayz,  it was then that I discovered my charm ability! I smiled and said, thank you. This only made them smile more and then I suddenly became afraid! I thought about My mother’s boyfriend the Police Officer who molested me! I must’ve shown on My face because my eyes started to fill up, and all three men were asking me what was wrong? And I turned to run out of there. But the owner came from behind the counter and knelt down in,front of me and said don’t you worry ain’t nobody gon hurt you in here  little lady ok? He had a kind face, and his eyes looked sincere. I shook my head ok, and,he asked me if I wanted a soda, I said Yes. One of the other guys said I’ll pay for her soda. The other guy said give her whatever she wants to eat and I’ll pay for it! The owner of the restaurant said oh now y’all wanna pay for her food her soda when it was y’all ugly asses that scared her! They all laughed and so did I.  And that’s how I came to have my first meal as a runaway child. Even then, GOD had HIS Hand on Me! Only I didn’t know it yet. I was STILL VERY ANGRY with GOD.

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Runaway Child

As I started thinking about running away at first it was a scary thought. I mean how was I going to live? I didn’t know the first thing about how I was going to take care of myself! I was 13 years old and as far as My Mom and My siblings went, I was also stupid! And so I decided against running away for awhile. That is until that night that I just had to break free! It was a Sunday night, my Mom, my brother and Sister were in the living room watching tv. Mom was agitated with me because she said I was moving too slow as far as cleaning up the kitchen that night after dinner. It wasn’t my turn to clean up the kitchen, it was my Little sisters turn. But my Mom said that my little sister always left the dishes greasy and she wanted them clean! And since I opened my mouth and said that it was my sister’s turn to clean the kitchen, Mom said since you got so much mouth you go in the kitchen and clean it up! Like I don’t know who’s turn it is! What you trying to call me stupid? I said no Mom. But she was already stirred up and I just went into the kitchen and started washing the dishes! Mom was talking about me to my older brother and my Little Sister like I wasn’t even a part of the Family! Tears we’re pouring down my face while I washed the dishes and put them in the dish rack. They were laughing at me, and talking about me!! It broke my heart into pieces! We had pig feet for dinner which I hated! I use to keep a little brown paper bag in My pocket to put the pig feet in and take them out side to our dog Queenie!! She was a beautiful German Shepherd! But even she wouldn’t eat the pig feet! So, I had to walk around to the side of the house to throw it into the garbage can! Oh, by the way, my Sister and I had to take out the garbage as well! My Brother didn’t have chores only us.

But I digress, on this particular night I had to take out the garbage by myself! And there were huge rats around by the garbage can. We, my Sister and I use  get as close to the garbage cans and throw the garbage into the can! And then run as fast as We could because the rat’s use to start fighting over the garbage and it was  scary sound! I had to do all this by myself that night because I dared to tell Mom that it was NOT my turn to do the kitchen clean up! Mom had this big ole pot that she used to cook collard greens, or pig feet or hammocks. ( I hated those too) the bathroom was down a long narrow hall and you had two steps down to enter the bathroom on the left! As I was walking down the hall I slipped and fell and there was pig feet juice every where! That was the last straw! Mom came out of the living room and grabbed the pot off the floorboard started bearing me about the head, back any where she could hit me. The pot slipped from her hand so she snatched the shade off the window in the hall and whipped out the thin wooden piece from the bottom of the shade, when that broke she took the far part of the shade roll itself to beat me with. It was  that point, that I saw a way out! And I took it! I ran down the stairs and out the door! And I kept on running. Never looking back! I ran, and ran for about 4 or 5 blocks until I was winded and gasping for breath! It was night time so, there were not a lot of people outside! I remember thinking ok, now what are you going to do? I went to a building where one of my friends from school lived and went all the way up the the attic door! I sat down and balled myself up. And I asked GOD to please watch over me and not make me go back to that house where there was no love for me there! All I remember of that night is I fell asleep because the next thing I knew was it was morning and I heard my friend’s Mom telling her and her brother to hurry up or they’d be late for school! I still stayed where I was until every one in the building that was going to school, work, or wherever was gone! And that was my very first day of being a runaway child! Not knowing what lay ahead of me, but I thought anything was far better than to be back at my Mom’s house, where there was no love, and no laughter for me!! I was free!!

 

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The New House

Mom decided to move us to a new house with a backyard and the school right up the street. We were so excited to be moving to a house! Mom was excited too, but not for the same reasons that we were. No, Mom had a new man in her sights and she was more than ready to make her move! The house was very big to Me as a child. My Little Sister and I were so excited to have our own room together! At the old apartment we all shared the same bed and the same bedroom! Besides, we were getting to oldthe to share the same bed with Our older brother! Who had already started to zero in on me. That is because mom told him what A whore I was, by sleeping with her man! My older brother was already in his early stages of being a pedophile! He still to this vdry day likes young girls. He even told my oldest son that when they (the girls) turn 13 years old, that’s when their ready!! My oldest Son to this very day has a strong dislike for his uncle!! But I digress. There was an attic and it had 3 rooms up there, My brother had his choice of what room he wanted. Of course he took the one facing the front of The house because then he’d be able to hide what ever, or who ever he was,doing at the time!! The house was kinda spooky at the first night that we stayed there. And it was to me and My Little,sister even more spooky because the very first night there our parakeet (we had two) Molly died! We woke up to her laying on her back with feet dead in the air! The second parakeet we had Polly died a few days later! My Brother told us that it was the house was big and drafty and parakeets lived in warm atmosphere! We didn’t BELIEVE him! Because it was summer time! The house was warm!! And then Mom who was born with a veil over her eyes, and what that means is there was a flap of skin over her eyes when she same out of the birth canal which was grandma!  So, that meant that she had a second sight! She was a learned to see in the natural and the supernatural!! And on the very first night she saw spirits that use to live there years ago! And she was so afraid that she would take my little sister out of her bed, out of our room into her bed at night because she was afraid of the dead!! When I asked her what if I saw the spirits in My room? She said pull the dam covers over your hdad and go to sleep!! My thought was, if that’s the case, then why didn’t she do it! But I knew better than to ask her for sure! And so that’s what I did! Even at present day when I go to sleep I pull the covers over my head and cover my eyes so that no light can penetrate and I fall right to sleep!!

 

We were happy there for about a month. Then came that awful day that the child molester, the police officer, the deacon in the church, came to the new house! I geared his voice, and I stayed in Our room which I’d by the way where I stayed most of the time. TO stay out of My Mom’s sight! Well, of course I heard him say to My Mom, where’s Cynthia at with her stupid ass? My mom sent my life,sister to Come and tell me that she wanted me. My little sister did what she was told, And off I go to the living room so they could laugh at me, call me stupid and My Mom was enjoying my pain and uncomfortability!! It was all of them my life sister, My older brother, mom and the child molester! All laughing at me, as I stood there crying my eyes out! Finally, my mom said ok you can go back in Your room I’m tired of looking at your stupid ass! When I turned to walk away, I heard my older brother say, look at her walk, she even walk stupid!! They all busted out laughing as I walked the long hallway head back to our room! It was that very day that I decided I’d had enough of them!! I started making plans to run away! They didn’t want me, they didn’t like me, and they dam sure didn’t love me! So, I was angry when I cried out to GOD, where is My REAL FAMILY? This can’t be my REAL FAMILY!! Because if they were, I wouldn’t be treated this way!!

 

 

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The New House

 

Mom decided to move us to a new house with a backyard and the school right up the street. We were so excited to be moving to a house! Mom was excited too, but not for the same reasons that we were. No, Mom had anew man in her sights and she was more than ready to make hDr move! The house was very big to Me as a child. My Little Sister and I were so excited to have our own room together! At the old apartment we all shared the same bed and the same bedroom! Besides, we were getting to oldthe to share the same bed with Our older brother! Who had already started to zero in on me. That is because mom told him what A whore I was, by sleeping with her man! My older brother was already in his early stages of being a pedophile! He still to this vdry day likes young girls. He even told my oldest son that when they (the girls) turn 13 years old, that’s when their ready!! My oldest Son to this very day has a strong dislike for his uncle!! But I digress. There was an attic and it had 3 rooms up there, My brother had his choice of what room he wanted. Of course he took the one facing the front of The house because then he’d be able to hide what ever, or who ever he was,doing at the time!! The house was kinda spooky at the first night that we stayed there. And it was to me and My Little,sister even more spooky because the very first night there our parakeet (we had two) Molly died! We woke up to her laying on her back with feet dead in the air! The second parakeet we had Polly died a few days later! My Brother told us that it was the house was big and drafty and parakeets lived in warm atmosphere! We didn’t BELIEVE him! Because it was summer time! The house was warm!! And then Mom who was born with a veil over her eyes, and what that means is there was a flap of skin over her eyes when she same out of the birth canal which was grandma!  So, that meant that she had a second sight! She was a learned to see in the natural and the supernatural!! And on the very first night she saw spirits that use to live there years ago! And she was so afraid that she would take my little,sister out of her bed, out of our room into her bed at night because she was afraid of the dead!! When I asked her what if I saw the spirits in My room? She said pull the dam covers over your hdad and go to sleep!! My thought was, if that’s the case, then why didn’t she do it! But I knew better than to ask her for sure! And so that’s what I did! Even at present day when I go to sleep I pull the covers over my head and cover my eyes so that no light can penetrate and I fall right to sleep!!

 

We were happy there for about a month. Then came that awful day that the child molester, the police officer, the deacon in the church, came to the new house! I geared his voice, and I stayed in Our room which I’d by the way where I stayed most of the time. TO stay out of My Mom’s sight! Well, of course I heard him say to My Mom, where’s Cynthia at with her stupid ass? My mom sent my life,sister to Come and tell me that she wanted me. My little sister did what she was told, And off I go to the living room so they could laugh at me, call me stupid and My Mom was enjoying my pain and uncomfortability!! It was all of them my life sister, My older brother, mom and the child molester! All laughing at me, as I stood there crying my eyes out! Finally, my mom said ok you can go back in Your room I’m tired of looking at your stupid ass! When I turned to walk away, I heard my older brother say, look at her walk, she even walk stupid!! They all busted out laughing as I walked the long hallway head back to our room! It was that very day that I decided I’d had enough of them!! I started making plans to run away! They didn’t want me, they didn’t like me, and they dam sure didn’t love me! So, I was angry when I cried out to GOD, where is My REAL FAMILY? This can’t be my REAL FAMILY!! Because if they were, I wouldn’t be treated this way!!

 

 

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TIMC…JESUS Said TRUST IN Me Completely

  1. This is a journey with JESUS. Leading and guiding me every day, in every way! It’s what HIS WILL is for me and All who visit this site! You see THE HOLY SPIRIT came to me during one of my temper tantrums of WHY!  Why do I keep going around in circles LORD! HIS answer was so simple! HE said Cynthia! Cynthia! HE always calls my name twice when HE is ready to SPEAK to me. HIS answer was,I know that you believe in me, and I that you TRUST me, but tell me Cynthia, when are you going to TRUST IN ME Completely? It was then, that I had to do some soul searching, a deep spiritual cleansing with in myself! I had to change my way of thinking and allow GOD to fill me with HIS way of thinking! NOT My WILL LORD! But thine WILL be done! In everything and All Things that I do on a DAILY BASIS! I completely have to empty out all of me, so that I can be filled with Thee!
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