This site is about the helpless, hopeless,soul's seeking to finally know what Love truly is, and no matter what it looks, feels, or sounds like, that there's one that loves you with a Love like no other! And HIS NAME is JESUS!

This IS My Story, This is My Song (2)

When, I turned 6 years old, my momLinother child. A little boy. I always loved being a big sister. So, one day I asked my mom if I could hold my baby brother. She looked at me with such a hateful look, and then she threw my baby brother on me with such force, that I couldn’t hold him. His body slid down my body to the floor. My mom looked at me and said look at you with your stupid self, you done dropped your little brother and made him retarded! I ran into the next room and cried my eyes out, then hearing my mom say to my oldest brother, you saw that didn’t you? She dropped him and made him reatarded! My brother said yeah, I saw it with her stupid self. I cried even harder! Come to find out that my little brother was born with mental retardation. My mom didn’t want anybody to know whom she had this child with! Right now to this very day, we still don’t know!My mom eneded up placing my little brother in a nursing training school in Totowa New Jersey! We went to see him once or twice and then she stopped going. Pretty soon, my baby brother was a memory. She put him in this institution for the children who were mentally retarded! We never saw him again! In fact, my mom never spoke his name again! Its like he never existed!

Then came the worst day of my life! At 7 years old still. Earlier, I spoke about My mom being a barfly. Her and my aunt use to go out either every weekend, or every other weekend. She left my Little Sister and I at home with our oldest brother who was 10 years old! I didn’t know it then, but he was not old enough to watch us! We were all too young to be left alone with out adult supervision! Ah but I digress! My mom met this guy at one of her outings at the bar and brought him home with her! She was drunk, and they went into her bedroom where they had sexual relations! My brother, little sister could her her making all this noise and screaming! I and my Little Sister thought that he was hurting our Mom at first. But hearing the bed squeaking and him grunting we realized what was happening! She fell asleep after that, and he left and went home. Well, He started coming over to the house on a regular after that. He’d take us out to the drive in movie. We were place in the front seat and they were in the back seat. Now, I know why. We had popcorn, candy, and soda! As well as that big screen in front of us so we were in la la land! HE use to play with us, and make us laugh. But I noticed that he never played much with my brother. In fact, since my mom gave him permission to chastise us. He beat my brother with his belt. And he beat the carp out of my little sister once! Me, He never beat me. That’s because I stayed out of his way after that. Anywayz, mom gave him a key to come and go as he pleased. Now, He had full access not only to my mom, but us, or should I say me. My mom went out to the bar on her weekend and met him there. I don’t know how he ended up at our house, but I remember being woke up by hiM because he was trying to get my little sister to come lay down with him. My little sister said no your breath stink. So he let her go. And then he asked me if I would lay down with him until he went to sleep. Love Starved me. The hated child. The stupid child. Said yes. He took me into my mom’s room and played me in her bed, I thought we were just going to sleep, He started to pull the bottoms of my pajamas off and I became frightened. I tried to stop him but he was stronger than me. This is actually the first time I’m actually writing what happened in my mom’s bedroom, but I must because I AM FREE! I have nothing to fear anymore and I’m not ashamed of it because I was A Child! Back to the bedroom, in my mom’s bed. He finally got my bottoms off and he rubbed himself up against my private area. He still had his underwear on. So thank GOD he never penetrated me because I’m sure he would have ruined my little undeveloped body. He rubbed himself on me about 2 or 3 times had passed out drunk on top of the lower part of my body! I was trapped under his weight. Try as I might I couldn’t get free. So, I ended up falling asleep as well. I was awakened by mothers screaming what the he’ll type of shift is this. He was trying to scramble and put his pants on and my mother and my aunt were standing in the doorway of my moms bedroom. My mother wasn’t even looking at him, she was looking at me with a look of pure hatred! She said Hoewah! My aunt said, don’t call her that. She said Hoewah! A no good Hoewah! I didn’t know what a Hoewah was but I knew it wasn’t good! She was calling me a Whore! She said ain’t shut, done took my man! You got your own mother hating you! I ran and got into bed with my brother and sister after that! It was then she turn to the pedophile and started to cry, why, why would you do this to me. My aunt looked at my mom and then at me and turned to leave out the door she said I’m going home. She left. And my life as which it was of it, became a real nightmare after that.

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